Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

@Jynx @Shaz51 

I feel like I need to escape 

I need to run away

i need a plan 

I need to escape 

I can't cope 

[rockypug]

Hi @BlueBay 

Rockypug here, one of the moderators. 

I see you are having a rough morning. 

Please continue to use the forums if it's helpful, but if you're at that point it's also important you are using your off-forum strategies for self care and reaching out to people or helplines you trust

[BlueBay]

Thanks @rockypug  for your support. 
I want to resign from wirk 

my dictir called me znd told me to not make any rash decisions about work 

triggered and feel emotional useless 

[BlueBay]

hi @Shaz51 @grayhorn @Faith-and-Hope @Owlunar @Maggie @MDT @Emelia8  and others I have forgotten to add 🙂

I went to work today much to my not wanting to go and high anxiety.  As soon as i walked in all i could see was 4 huge stacks of baskets that were NOT cleaned by last night's staff. which would mean that i would now run behind.  there were only a very few clean baskets for the customers.  NOT HAPPY!!!

I collected all the other dirty baskets from the registers and made a pooint of saying something to one of the ladies.  she replied to let my supervisor know.  I did.  I went up to her and asked if the girls had cleaned baskets last night because there were far too many this morning and it was very unusual.  Her response, oh we had to cut back on cleaning because of budget!!!  

I walked off in a rage, i was angry.  i am sure that they (register girls) wouldn't have been that busy.  i am sure they coulud have cleaned some each at their registers; or even have one girl off the floor to clean.  

It took me over 1 hour to clean last nights baskets, then i had to start on todays.  I was so close to tears becasue for some stupid reason i was taking this personally.  and i know i have nothing to do with it.

by mid morning when i was due to have a break another girl took over my job.  after my quick break i went back to find her at another section walking backing with another huge stack of baskets.  Great i thought.  so i ended up taking my time and not cleaning the trolleys because i clearly had no time for that.  

management are hopeless where i work, supervisors are just as bad.  she has promised me all these things/jobs but nothing has ever happened.  

thenn i got really paranoid and angry because one of the chemist girls walked in and smiled at me while looking down at me as i was cleaning the baskets.  in my head i was saying 'stupid bi...ch she thinks its great she has a good job still and i have the shittiest job ever".  that's what my head was telling me.

so much negative talk while cleaning baskets today, i want to resign; i want to escape, 

my doctor called to see how i was as he knew i wasn't coping with my high anxiety.  i told him this afternoon that i want to resign and not going back.  he made me promise to not make any quick decisions without thinking about tyhis over the weekend.  he said clearly i am in no state right now to make any decisions.

i hate been used, been taken for advantage.  i have no one to talk to at work, all the girls on registers talk to each other.  they actually stand around whenn no customers and just talk.  

even this morning, i thought why couldn't the supervisor get one of the girls standing there to come help me.  

and when i left at midday, the supervisor says to me 'oh no we don't have anyone to do the baskets now'; i think she was hoping i would say i would do it.  but no way, i am not doing anymore favours or staying back.

i wish i was back in my old pharmacy job where i felt ok, i knew my job, knew the customers and it was a small place to work; not likle this huge supermarket.  so much bitchiness, politics and talking about others.  it's really toxic place.

[MDT]

Sounds like my workplace @BlueBay

I've grown sick of it, but i do try to find some small diamonds in the rough like some co workers saying gday or joking about sports etc. Sometimes that is all that helps.

It does my head in. I'm glad I don't do it full time, are you working there full time ?

[Maggie]

It sounds awful @BlueBay. I feel for you. I hope, eventually, you find a job more suitable.

[BlueBay]

It's starting to be awful @Maggie 

@MDT  i work mon wed fri 8-12 noon. 

I'm so anxious about going to wirk on Monday and it's only Friday

I don't want to go 

im going to try to enjoy the weekend. It's going to be nice weather so beach time I think. 

[MDT]

Can you change days @BlueBay
?

[BlueBay]

There's no way I could change days and if I did it wouldn't make any difference. Sane supervisor same job. 

I feel I'm not taken seriously 

I'm getting paranoid that the front end girls are talking about me incl the supervisor 

especially tiday when I had my little vent 

management I feel turn a blind eye to issues within the store 

so much things the front end girls get away with 

maybe because I'm older and have a good work ethic I find it hard to accept young teenagers just standing there doing nothing. At the sane time the supervisor can stand there as well and chat rubbish with the girls. 

I don't know. I tell my son who works there but he's in the store room now so he's pretty much out of the shop except when he's duty manager in the afternoon shift. 
and all the young girls tell me their shit. They backstab others and I just listen. 
I'm nit used to this. I've never worked in a large organisation before. 

I'm thinking if only I could be sick on Monday I wouldn't go in 

hubby says stay until I find another job easier said than done though 

damn why is everything so hard 

[BlueBay]

hi @MDT @Maggie @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Emelia8 @Owlunar @Angels333 @Molliex  and everyone else reading this post

Just saw something on here that has made me feel scared, worried, paranoid

for reasons that i cannot say on here

i am staying away for a while

me being on here is freaking me out

i am very paranoid and i just can't stay

i am really sorry

i don't want to 

but i am too worried