Lived Experience Forum

[Tom4]

I am Tom4 

Hello New community I am Tom4.

I don't know what to type here and worried that if I think what did well anxiety will build again as it does.

They say the black dog has got me. I starting to hate that phrase I guess only those who have experienced it themselves or a person they love will understand. and why does all these mental health groups use man's best friend as a negative image. I am a marketing student I guess I am thinking of a branding prospective now. Rufus our first dog was good, my sisters dog is nice and my brother in laws pig dog is a black dog but he is friendly to me maybe a black dog isn't so bad we just have to live with. I went out to dinner with Mum and Dad we had Chinese food its changed since the good restaurant owners moved I am sick of change, My sister gets married now I am sad ah so this is how I felt before I tried the innocent Centrelink doesn't consider 'the black dog' a disability so I have to keep going to my job provider I guess that is Ok just sick of getting rushed by Mum but she does all that and then has a sleep she has a black dog also but I don't know what to do with that. Dad's face is all read from the yellow pill he takes to help is 'red shirt' diagnosis - commonly known as  Parkinson's disease,  the reason I refer to it as the red shirt disease is because at Grammar my sport house was Red Shirt and called Parkinson (after a Headmaster) funny how we deal with life's illnesses and attach labels to them but I guess that how I am coping at the moment and my sister is in Inglewood they bought some tradiemutt workwear which is her to a tee trying to be tough for everyone but I am sure she isn't coping I was at her Christmas party she had bruises on her arm and she said her husband hit her and then laughed like its a joke I am single so I don't know if he actually did hit her but I really hope not. I am not there to stop him. He promised me on their wedding day to look after her but who know its only been 5 months their pig dogs could had bitten her or someone else I am unsure she would tell me right? Maybe its the anxiety over reacting again like it did when I was drunk and thought she was pregnant oh well I am sure she will forgive me if I am the last person to know. hopefully I will know when she wants to tell me. 

How do I talk about these things with my family? any Ideas thanks.

Bye for now Tom 4    

[Former-Member]

Hi @Tom4 I was just logging off for the night but saw your post and just wanted to say a big welcome to you before I head off. I'm really pleased you've joined us here and I hope you'll feel comfortable continuing to share your experiences. Families can be so tricky to navigate. I think you'll find there are a lot of us here who have struggled with that and I'm sure some will be able to offer up some ideas from their own experience.

You're amongst friends here, Tom. I look forward to crossing paths with you again. 😊

[Tom4]

Thankyou ChaiMaker
Hope you have a good nights sleep.
Tom

[Appleblossom]

Welcome. Loved your take on black dogs. @Tom4 I've known some good ones.  Black cats get a bum rap too.  Love your sense of language and associations.  Maybe marketing pushed the positive too much ...

Have you seen Durer.  In his time it was more fashionable to be melancholic than these days ...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melencolia_I 

[wellwellwellnez]

I also like all dogs. And they are great depression therapists. Honestly , when I get depressed, I'm more likely to think of depression as the "Winston Churchills" (great guy but a textbook case).

About the bruises, because she joked that she was hit, it may well of been a joke and not a cover-up. However, it's a bit of a strange type of humour and I think you're right to want to be sure. Nothing wrong with making sure. If you check up with respectful concern, I don't think anyone would take that the wrong way. It's good to check up on these things.

[HenryX]

Hello @Tom4 , @wellwellwellnez , @Appleblossom , @Former-Member 

If it were a situation in which my sister was involved, if I had one, (though I have four daughters) I would tread very carefully. Opening the discussion with the husband may bring unpleasant consequences for a sister or any other relative or friend, if the reasons for the bruises were, in fact, a result of abuse.

My sister, if approached on the subject, may become very defensive and even protective of her husband. On the other hand, it is possible that her attempt to cover the reason for the bruises by humour, may also be a veiled attempt to seek help. However, she has to be willing to accept that help if it is needed and subsequently offered, before any such assistance can be effective. This is where the police have great difficulty.

I believe my approach would be to remain observant and give neither my sister nor brother-in-law reason to defend their respective positions. Needless to say, if there were significant reason to believe that abuse was occurring, this would change and I would be considering what steps to take from there. Intervention in such situations can often be perceived, by either or both people, as uninvited, unwanted or unwarranted intrusion. So, I believe, great care must be taken to protect any person in such a situation.

With Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[Codex1]

Hi @Tom4, yjbuse is never ok, whether people accept it as normal or not. So with that said, your sister could be joking. So I wouldn't jump to conclusions because this can make the situation worse if she is not actually being abused. She could have bruises for any number of reasons, so if you ask her in a neutral fashion and smile or at least have a bit of a joke around yourself, your sister may feel trusting enough to open up to tell you. For all you know, she could have just bumped her arm, but it's good you're concerned about her welfare. As for abuse, it definitely needs to be taken seriously, either way the situation will get worse if not fixed. But hopefully your sister is fine.
It's good you've joined these forums! Have a good look around, mess with the page settings and subscribe to a few threads, etc. I come on to these forums almost every day.