Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Jo]

Yes, the extreme stress and burn-out that accompanies the role of fulltime carers is, like mental illness, invisible to others. Not like a broken leg, using a walking stick, being in a wheelchair. What people can't 'see' (or experience) they don't understand. 
So often, carers are the ones who discover their loved ones in their own homes after an attempt to take their lives. Ambulances are called, then the police, then the loved one is rushed to hospital and the carer is left alone in the house to clean up the mess. They send counsellors to counsel witnesses at the scene of serious accidents these day. Why doesn't this happen in cases such as this?

[Denv12]

Yes,I've been through that.Got it from withdrawal from withdrawal..It was a withdrawal symptom that flared up regularly.I know several people who have had the symptom as their longest ongoing symptom.You can look in the mirror and not see yourself.Its a weird illusion.

When did you first experience dr/dp? Some people call it derealisation/depersonalisation.

[Jo]

I experienced it for the first time many years ago when my son kept trying to take his life. It was a shocking time. I experienced it for quite a while before deciding to see a doctor. Got no help whatsoever.

[Jo]

Mine got so bad that I started to discover I was doing things like driving on the wrong side of the road and driving through red lights. It's a very scary state to be in.

[Cazzie]

I first noticed it about 8-9 years ago. I used to travel, by car, for work and started realising that I'd arrived at my destination with no recollection of huge chunks of the trip. These were anything from one to four hour trips on the Pacific Highway.

[PeppiPatty]

You read sane.
You remind me of when my darling husband split from one year ago....
It was too hard, too feral and I had to get a restraining order on him because it was too dangerous to be with him anymore. He is diagnosed with chronic paranoid schizophrenia and though we both worked hard at staying together I had to get away.

I still remember times when 'too hard,' is what I should have cried not thought I was the one mad.

[GivingMick]

I heard this word in a movie. Appropriately named 'the expendables'. I have been with my wife for 14 years. I did not know what she was suffering from, for 10 of those years. I would say the problem is part of their illness. I looked it up on google on the home pc using google.
I was interested by what that disorder would be. My wife found out by checking the history.
She then went hysterical telling me, it was me who had that. Constantly I get belittled, blamed for everything wrong that has happened in our life. It seems strange that everything in her life that is wrong was before I met her. Recently, we have separated. She still contacts me, wanting me to help her. But I don't want to, we have 2 beautiful children, and I am concerned she will blame them as she did me. Should I leave our children in her care? I have told her that she should stop taking it out on them! She treats them like a burden, because I left. I am worried about all 3 of them. I love them, so very much. Please help me. I feel between a rock and a hard place!

[GivingMick]

This is how I handle the unwanted stresses. I have been an avid listener to a lot of various music genres. The sounds from the music, keys and tempo, help resolve any indifference with emotions and/or turmoil within my heart and spirit.
As a sufferer of chronic pain, depression, and anxiety. I listen to the music, and hear the expressions of the artists, in their instruments and voices.
To gain clarity of the mind, and focus of spirit, to allow freedom of expression. I relax in my favourite chair, at my favourite location, and listen to nature. The animals, the elements, and the man-made sounds. We are all apart of this world, and everything should exist in its own harmonious tempo.
I apply all this, with peace(nature), love(heart), and understanding(knowledge). Accepting my part in this world, I gain insight to the workings of world.Applying the mind over matter theory. I tell my body, I run the show. Knowing myself better, I am able to control the pain, the sadness, and allow direction to guide me to my ultimate goal. Success, through a positive mindset!

[GivingMick]

It's a little off track. But it helps me not to feel overloaded!

[serene]

Cazzie this really resonates with me - I am 71 and I often get the same symptoms - most markedly when I am with the son with Schizophrenia for whom I am Carer - if he is angry, tetchy, stressed the effect on me is to be unable to summon up information I know - a name, date etc - I assumed it was age-related and a sign I was losing it in general.  I really believe that it is stress-transference more than memory-fail.

I accept that memory diminishes with age but if I have the same lapse when I am on my own and un-stressed I consciously do not panic and tell myself that if I don't make it worse by agonizing over it, the memory will come and it invariably does.

I have been a member of ARAFMI for years and it is common for members to say that their loved ones can "hold themselves together" in a medical/psychologist interview and even say that they are fine and doing well - when the carer is very aware that this is not so - anything to avoid going to hospital or maybe "losing face". ?

As for other people judging how "well" or "ok" our MI loved one really is - I would love them to just take over the caring task for a month at least - the saying "walk a mile in my shoes" comes to mind