Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Annemarie22]

My husband has been diagnosed with the above two conditions.  He refrains from affection and, interestingly enough, can be affectionate at home but will not be affectionate if we are on holiday (withholding affection). If anyone has been in a similar situation please comment, would love to hear from anyone that has any suggestions.  It can be very draining, as he can be irritable/agitated off-handed some days and other days he can be happy but has lots of ups and downs. He is currently on meds anti-depressants.   My parents were not affectionate growing up, so I have chosen a husband with similar attributes. this is what I am used to.  I see myself as a Rescuer always trying to help to offer solutions to just basically pick up the pieces.

[Kyle1]

hi @Annemarie22 

I have been in a similar situation. The difference between your story and mine is our genders are reversed (I was the husband, and the rescuer - she the withholding and irritable counterpart)

Unfortunately, i have no suggestions for you. My relationship was a shocking failure.

Then again: have you thought about marriage counselling? Maybe this is something your partner may be willing to partake in with you..?

[Shaz51]

morning @Annemarie22 

my husband has had the same diagnosis

I am not sure how long you have been married for but for me it took me a while but " to take him as he is" is my biggest suggestion 

 you said --- interestingly enough, can be affectionate at home -- this is soo great that he feels safe and comfortable in the home environment ❤️

another thing is when you are out , he can feel you at times are upset with it , I tired and it took a while for me to relax and it is funny that now over many years he will hold hands with me when out --- very rare i must say 

here for you if you like to talk 

[cherryblossom8]

Hi @Annemarie22 ,

Thank you for sharing your story. I completely understand what you are going through. My husband has been battling with depression and used to self-medicate with cannabis (or perhaps the cannabis brought on the depression - it's always a bit of a chicken and egg situation with substance abuse). How long has your husband been taking his medication. It can take a while for them to take effect, sometimes more than a month. Mood swings are very common with people experiencing anxiety and depression. Just like what you described my husband also would become super agitated, then apathetic and with no motivation. Try not to take things too personally, he's probably too much in his own head and does not realise this is happening. Have you tried speaking to him about it? is he aware of how this affects you? It might be worth having the conversation :), if you think you can do it.

Keep chatting and letting us know how you are. Take care of yourself.