Supporting wife with BPD

[Cinderella83]

I have BPD and getting the diagnosis explained a lot of things but it's been a year now she I'm pretty depressed about it. It's so hard knowing I'm acting irrationally but not have much control. And the regret/shame after the break ups! It was much nicer not knowing. I was happily unaware and I guess always blamed others. My current partner is getting sick of the break ups. I'm not sure how much he will take. It's been almost 2 years.

I find if my partner says to me "I'm here for you, I'm not taking part in this fight. You are fighting yourself" that it can help a bit. At least then I know he hasn't given up. It still takes me sometimes a day to 3 days to gain insight into what is actually happening!!! (PS. I am on medication but haven't received much treatment yet)

[Former-Member]

Hey there @Cinderella83 so nice to see you in this thread too ❤️ 

I thought I'd tag a few members who can probably give some great support from their lived experience ❤️ @BPDBunny and @BPDSurvivor how are you both doing today? 

And there's also a great thread where some of our great forum members worked through the DBT skills workbook together. If you haven't heard of it yet (it's new to me!) its a skill set lots of folks with BPD find useful. The thread is Let's do Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) 

So glad to have you here,

TuxedoCat

[tyme]

Good Evening @Cinderella83 ,

BPD can be quite challenging at the best of times, yet having more of an understanding means you can work with the symptoms in a more informed way.

Feel free to have a browse through Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script .

One thing I do know is that one of the greatest impact of BPD is on relationships. Therapy works with practising the skills needed for healthy interpersonal relationships. This includes working towards feeling okay with sitting with not-knowing; understandings that things are not just 'good' or 'bad' - that there are in betweens; strategies to manage emotional pain etc.

Medication has a small part in BPD recovery - much of the work is done through psychotherapy.

Look forward to hearing what others think,

 @BPDSurvivor 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @Cinderella83 ,

Thank you for your post. Receiving a BPD diagnosis can be both scary and also liberating. It ‘explains’ some of the struggles Borderlines have including the rage that comes with the emotional brain taking over, black/white thinking, difficulties trusting people, ‘obsessing’ over certain people etc.

For me, learning I had BPD meant I could deal with it head on. I realised my experiences had a name to it. I understood why I had the struggles I did. But most importantly, I could work on each aspect of BPD. 

I undertook a solid 18 months of mentalisation based therapy, as well as various psychotherapy. At the end of it, I can truly say I have come out with a ‘changed brain’. I realised I had more control of my brain than o first thought. I could ‘train’ my brain to think differently to how I had grown up to think. The maladaptive ways of thinking that came with childhood stressors.

Its been a long journey, powerful and totally worth it.

It is one MH condition where YOU are the author of your own story. It is not reliant on medication. 

Im so glad you have been able to connect with us on the forums!

BPD is such an amazing teacher. 

BPDSurvivor

[Cinderella83]

That's really great. It gives me some hope. I really want to get into an intensive DBT program but my psychiatrist who was going to enrol me went on leave and now I'm stuck waiting for an appointment with my new psychiatrist.

Today I keep getting super jealous of his friends. They said they hate me (to him) but I read it. I'm obsessing over them hating me and even him hating me (as he told them he might want to escape me).
Now it's hard to give him any love. I know that makes him feel more dislike towards me though! I just totally shut off and just want to crawl up and cry instead but I know if I hugged him I'd get a hug back. It's so dumb!!! I am confused at myself. I don't understand it well. I know it's some protective mechanism but not sure why etc.

Anyway just venting! Thanks for your post. 🙂

[Cinderella83]

Great I'm all in! I'm going to finally tackle this. I appreciate these links 😄