Lived Experience Forum

[Lemmings]

I am 34; I have bipolar and c-ptsd, I am medication compliant, I work hard - I try every single day to be better, to be strong and to survive.

But I feel like I fail. Today I lost my cool, I can't sleep or eat, I am exhausted. I yelled, I was mean and I punched the wall so hard it left a whole. I covered it with a painting my sister did of the Brisbane river. I hate feeling like this, I hate being triggered, feeling alone and being lonely. I wish it would end. 

[tyme]

I’m so sorry to hear this @Lemmings . Many people have experienced something similar. I know I have. I’m not proud of it. I still get triggered now, but less and my reaction is less intense. I had therapy in ACT. I found that helpful in understanding my anger and emotional state.

[ArraDreaming]

Oh man. I don’t know what to say but this sounds like about 5 years ago, I did I the same worked out where I could punch the holes so that things could hang on the wall and nobody would know
I hope it gets better for you like it has for me I stil get triggered but not as much like that anymore

[claud]

Hi Lemmings, I'm sorry you're feeling this way - I think I am feeling the same way as you right now. I also have bipolar, and currently feeling pretty flat (not properly depressed, just flat). I'm compliant with meds and try hard to do the right things and yet it still feels like shit sometimes. I know this doesn't help you, but it feels kind of nice for me knowing I'm not alone out here.

I really hope things don't have to always be this hard for us. It's pretty tiring working so hard and still feeling like you're failing.

[tyme]

How are you @claud @Lemmings ?

Hope you are okay. People are on the forums 24/7. Please know you are not alone.

I felt like punching the wall today... I had an angry day today... that's all I know how to describe it as...

We all have those days. 

I'm hearing you.