Loneliness

[Mabel25]

I have just spent my second Easter Sunday alone. I also spent last Christmas Day alone. I live alone so spend most of my time alone. I try to be kind to myself. I do jigsaw puzzles, intricate Lego, crochet, sew, read, walk, go to gym, swim and study. I could not work for three years due to my mental health. I commenced a new career this year as a support worker. So now I am able to talk to different people on a daily basis. It is exhausting sometimes (physically and emotionally), but good for me to feel that I belong somewhere. I am also estranged from my large (very judgemental) family. I have recently commenced a research thesis at university on borderline personality disorder in women. I was diagnosed with BPD over three years ago and had never heard of it. So I have had a very interesting (to put it nicely) experience with BPD since diagnosis. It has only added to my loneliness as I now question everything I do and say. I have never joined a forum as I have always steered clear of online "communities". But, it is 2022 and I am doing different things (like work and study) and I want to make it to the end of the year and feel that I have made progress to be proud of. Loneliness is a growing epidemic throughout the world, but there are worse things. Well that is what I tell myself! Have a good week everyone. 

[tyme]

Good on you @Mabel25 !

I feel like you've just retold my story. Welcome to the forums!

There are others who have found them in similar situations to you. I found these forums as a way to relearn to connect with humans. I was alone for so long, and absolutely disconnected from the world.

Feel free to have a browse around on the forums. I'd encourage you to have a browse through:

1) Topic Tuesday // Supporting loved ones living with BPD // Tuesday 25th January, 7pm-8:30pm AEDT 

2) Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script 

3) LIVE CHAT: BPD for Friends, Family and Carers - This Sunday 3rd October 7:00-8:30pm AEDT 

I look forward to seeing what you can add to these BPD communities.

Take care and see you around,

tyme

[LazyPainter]

Thank you cloudcore. I notice major holidays trigger ghastly feelings of emptiness and loneliness for me too and I’ve been thinking about volunteering opportunities. This Easter I just slept to try and escape and I think that I need to be more prepared!

 I’m new here and I appreciate the group.

[LazyPainter]

Thank you Mabel25,

You sound like you’re doing all the right things. My family is the source of my grief and pain too and major holidays where the family is celebrated are very triggering. 
Easter was spent alone for me too and as I said in a previous post, I need to be more prepared! 
When I’m not working I’m alone, and any extended time is filled with the sounds of crickets!

I need to line up some activity for these times but it’s very hard to do on my own and friends keep me at arms length because of my negativity. 

[Former-Member]

Hey there @LazyPainter,

A big welcome to the forums going out to you 😊

I wanted to stop by and empathise with what you've expressed – significant holidays like Easter, Christmas etc. can be quite tough when you're isolated from your family of origin. It's so great though that you've made your way to this community where I'm sure you'll meet many like minded folks.

I think you're right to plan ahead for these days if you're expecting you're likely to feel a flood of emotions, but I also acknowledge it can be hard to do if you're on your own. Here are some of the things I've done in the past which have helped to make these events more tolerable:

• Arrange to sleep in OR watch the sun come up – neither are things I do too often so it makes it special
• Eat my favourite foods – nothing better than not having to share your fries or that last piece of chocolate!
• Call someone – whether it's a friend or a helpline,  just breaking up the day with human contact
• Going for a walk – getting out and grabbing a coffee or groceries and making a point of talking to the barista or shop keeper and connecting with someone 
• Movie marathons 
• Working on a new hobby or skill

I'm sure others can relate so I might tag a few of our community guides and members who may be able to add a few insightful tips:
@Shasan @Appleblossom @Shaz51 @HenryX @outlander @TAB @StuF @greenpea @maddison @CrazyChick 

Hope you're having a great week @LazyPainter !

Rhye ☘️

[Appleblossom]

Hello @LazyPainter 

and @Mabel25 

Been off the site.  I know what it is like to deal with family holidays alone.  Not easy.

Hope the forum helps tho.

Sending silly link 

https://animalsake.com/why-do-crickets-chirp 

Its raining here at the moment.

[Delicatessen]

Hi @cloudcore interesting discussion.  Some quick thoughts in response to your questions…

1. Loneliness is about, for me, finding that you have a gap between a desired and current connectedness in your physical, emotional, spiritual or psychological spaces. And you can be totally a aware you are lonely and simply be living with it being that standard state of play.

2. Loneliness is something that’s inevitable. Part of you is probably always lonely in some respects. I don’t actually know how it “feels” and to this point in my life can say that there’s safety in being lonely…helps you manage expectations. Don’t think every part of loneliness needs to be “fixed”. 

3. Not sure when’s a worse time than others for feeling lonely. I have relationships with my supports I’m happy with, but I don’t for the most part tell them about things that upset me (such a memories of my past that haunt me). On balance, I’m happy I’ve been able to open up to my professional supports a bit in this space.

4. Having only started to open up yo my professional supports only recently,I can say that I’ve had benefit from having a completely confidential discussion, writing and analysis of specific. This has definitely helped.

[Jimbo2]

I live with loneliness also.It is tough.I'M HOPEING this forum will help me feel less lonely.

[Jimbo2]

good advice

[Jimbo2]

This forum helps ameliorate loneliness via social connection.