Lived Experience Forum

[not_fair]

Hi @CheerBear, @utopia, @Former-Member, @Owlunar & @Sahara.  I didn't know that I had to put a symbol infront of a name to include everone in a conversation.  I just thought I was writing to anyone who wanted to read.  Anyway,  there were very mixed emotions when I put Summer down yesterday.  Mostly I felt happy that she was finally in peace and out of pain.  I wish we could do that for humans.  Anyway,  I've been mostly tipsy since then because I don't want to feel any pain.  I feel like I have a huge bubble over my head that says, "traumatised" and I can't quite live with it.  I need to learn how to live and accept all the crap I've been through (and there's been alot).  But thanks for letting me speak, type? vent. Thank you.

[CheerBear]

Hi again @not_fair. Your tag worked. It's so ok if you don't want to tag and instead you want to write/vent/chat to whoever. Tagging may help your message get through though and it is a way of getting to know people here. It's up to what works and feels right for you 🙂

It's so understandable that you're feeling the way you are at the moment. You really have been through a lot, and a lot of it seems to have occurred in a short space.

You mentioned the need to accept what has happened and I think that's a huge step. The idea of acceptance was really tough for me for a long while (it still can be). A big part of it for me was working to accept myself as I am and trying to be ok with myself as I live in a bit of a bubble that says "traumatised" too. I think I wrote about this idea of accepting myself only a couple of weeks ago. It is recognising and acknowledging that I am pretty sensitive because of what I have been through, and things can be really shaky sometimes but it is ok that they are. Often things don't make sense and I don't have all the answers that I want. I get frustrated, angry, scared and sad, but I also have moments of clarity, joy and hope too. Sometimes I can swing between these feelings really quickly as well. It's hard going, but it is easier when I can be gentle on myself while I go through it. I found working toward acceptance of myself maybe a bit of a step towards working on accepting the situation/s. It would be such an individual thing and there wouldn't be a right or wrong way of going about it.

I can see why you'd be feeling mixed feelings about yesterday with Summer. I'm not really a dog person but I have seen that Staffy smile and it is pretty great. I know the pain of losing my beautiful girl (a cat) was immense. Many years later I still miss her and think of her.

I hope you can do something nice for yourself today. Is it a day off work for you today?

[utopia]

@not_fair you have had to deal with a lot of illness and deaths in your family. With it all being placed on your shoulders. That is a lot for anyone to bare.
And then to be on your own when you put Summer down. I'm sorry she too developed cancer.
Yes you need to see your grief counselor and pour it all out to her. Try and get as much out as you can. Hopefully you will feel better afterwards.
Happy birthday to you. Can't forget to celebrate the good things in life - like birthdays.