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04-03-2015 10:15 PM
04-03-2015 10:15 PM
overwhelmed and emotionally drained.
I've been caring for my partner of 8 years who has bipolar , PTY, diabetes , fybromyalgia, sickle cell, anxiety disorders and so far that's all he's been diagnosed with but still ongoing.
He doesn't work and is on a pension . I've worked full time this whole time and all he contributes financially is with half the rent. All other living expenses , loans, bills are all taken care of by me. ( he's hopeless with money and compulsively buys things on impulse) . Lately his aggression has gotten worse and today he has a full mental snap. Something simple like a driver cutting him off or tailgating will set him off then it's a snowball effect. So my 2 days off are spent running around with him , treading on eggshells so to not set him off but now it's happening all the time. I'm so overwhelmed and so emotionally exhausted . Financially day to day I struggle with no help at all and I'm swimming In debt.. but now it's his outbursts and episodes that have me in fear and an emotional wreck. I know it sounds selfish.. but I've put him first for 8 years only to have him shit all over me so to speak.. not intentionally I believe ... but it Hurts like hell and I'm sick if crying . Through his tantrums he's alienated most of our friends and whilst he says he prefers his own company. . Ive got no one ... so the last few months when's he's been bad.. I have no one to reach out to or vent to as having mental illness most people in the past say I should just leave... how do I cope when he has a meltdown?
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07-03-2015 09:33 PM - edited 07-03-2015 09:34 PM
07-03-2015 09:33 PM - edited 07-03-2015 09:34 PM
Re: overwhelmed and emotionally drained.
Oh @jiggles
I'm sorry for not getting back to you sooner. Your post slipped by our radar
Firstly, you do not sound selfish at all. On the contrary, you've been so giving, that I think you may have forgotten to give a little for yourself. It's ok to want to look after yourself if you are feeling tired and worn out. If you're not caring for you, then who else is?
Setting boundaries can be really helpful. It can show your partner that certain behaviours have impacts and consequences, which can act as an incentive to make changes, boundaries also keep you safe. @3forme talks about a workship she did and how it helped here.
@Kiera80 went through a similar situation to you, where she was thinking of 'throwing in the towel and walking away'. In this discussion thread, you will see @Annabelle @SadMum @Alessandra1992 and @Espoir provide some advice about what you can do when you're feeling this way. Perhaps they can offer some advice, or you can contact them by using the '@' mention feature. Just type in '@' and beging to type the name of the user you want to contact and drop down list should appear with usernames. This only works on computers though, which means it won't work on your phone or tablet.
You might find this thread that I started about feeling pushed to your limits. In it @Purplewife talks about how changing expectations has been helpful.
Jiggles, welcome to the forums. I hope this helps. Let us know how it goes, please feel free to reach out and vent when you feel like it can help. You don't have to go through this alone.
CB
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07-03-2015 10:09 PM
07-03-2015 10:09 PM
Re: overwhelmed and emotionally drained.
Sorry for not replying sooner as well, it's been a tough week here.
Because it's been a tough week I can empathise with your feelings of frustration and being sick of crying.
In the thread that @CherryBomb pointed you towards, I talked about changing expectations a little. In that thread, I was referring to both my own and my partner's expectations. To be honest, I have found changing my own expectations harder than changing my partner's. For his, the strategies I mentioned like writing them down really helped. And then just being consistent, not slipping back into old habits.
But changing my mind - now that has been much harder! The guilt has sometimes been almost overwhelming and I think I can see that in your post, when you talk about feeling selfish. I have felt like the most selfish person alive as I've walked out of the house to go have coffee in the sun by myself, while he has been in the depths of depression. But then I feel better afterwards and I remember why it's important. And repeatedly doing this has made it easier for both of us, I think.
There's also an element of mental discipline for me - I have to constantly tell myself that stewing over him or our problems is not going to make him better, so what's the point? This helps give me a bit of mental space and respite, I suppose.
I don't want to sound like I've got it all figured out though - at the moment I'd say these strategies allow us to peacefully coexist in parallel lives, not actually live in a mutually supportive relationship. And I haven't been doing this anywhere near as long as you have. But I think it's a step in the right direction.
Most importantly - I got to this point with the help of a psychologist for me. Like you I didn't feel I had anyone to talk to and carrying the burden alone was so isolating. I know they're expensive and hard to get into but just having someone who only supports me feels so relieving.
Best of luck Jiggles. I'm sure the strength that has seen you through the past eight years will help see you through whatever comes.
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08-03-2015 05:59 PM
08-03-2015 05:59 PM
Re: overwhelmed and emotionally drained.
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08-03-2015 07:24 PM
08-03-2015 07:24 PM
Re: overwhelmed and emotionally drained.
Also there are Community groups like Grow, and Adavic, depends on where you live.. I attended a carers group, really found it very helpful, Carers Victoria or Tandem may be able to direct you to one in your local area. Sometimes they are listed in local papers..meeting with others carers for people with mental health issues can really help reduce feeling isolated..good luck!!
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08-03-2015 07:36 PM
08-03-2015 07:36 PM
Re: overwhelmed and emotionally drained.
Most certainly @Alessandra1992
Here's a link to the Victorian Mental Health Services by catchment areas. This link for the Australian Insitute for Health and Welfare might be a good resource too.
Hope this helps
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09-03-2015 07:03 AM
09-03-2015 07:03 AM