Where can I find a friend who can lend an ear?

[Silverlinin]

Doing mindfulness breathing and seeing my psychiatrist are the elements I have as support tool, been running as well and hope these will help me conduct life in a stoic, calm manner. The only element of my wellbeing I haven't been able to address successfully is the social side. I don't have a consistent, regular go to group of friends that I could see so that I could just do what friends just do, with mental health as the biggest common interest. To laugh, talk, eat are reminiscent of high school times and an integral social element in treating your mental health! 

Seeing your friends online for mental health can be a place of solace, typing out your problems and that. But it's not quite alleviating. Talking to a therapist can be an option but they are not your friend. So you can't really connect with them "I have the same problem as well, we're both struggling and we'll work this out together" Although therapy is helpful, everything is about you.

Instead of online however, actually being there in person, away from technologies enjoying at the cafe, a walk, the park, a chat wherever, I feel is more important to be the last jigsaw puzzle for other parts of our wellbeing to fortify your mind against mental health adverse challenges! Which brings me to my question, does SANE provide meetups to make friends and chat where you are away from technologies? it does get pretty isolating with mental health.

I'm sure there are people out there like me who are yearning to connect with like-minded individuals. People who feel okay coming.

This isn't a bad idea right?

[NatureLover]

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@Silverlinin wrote:

does SANE provide meetups to make friends and chat where you are away from technologies? 

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Hi @Silverlinin . no, SANE doesn't provide meetups, as it would break the anonymity rule. An important part of the forums here is the anonymity, which allows us to be honest and real about our MIs (mental illnesses) and get support for them.

However, have you heard of Meetup? They run lots of meetup groups, nothing to do with SANE, but you might find something there.

Good luck...

[Question]

"A Friend."

Those species are pretty much extinct.

My youngest child (12) is still trying to figure out what one of those are as his standards and commonsense confuses him around "normal" people.

Its insane that for two years we were restricted by Covid but now he is back at school he sits besides others who pick their nose, cough, sneeze and invite people home even though their family has Covid.

If you wanted to socialize then this type of discussion is what may come up as a subject (Covid).

I study history and that is what I am good at yet would you want to discuss the subject after considering the pain that it can provide.

You cannot just expect to be entertained by the subject as history is the story of lives.

Whether it be 100 years ago or today it still hurts or makes you laugh just as the friend you seek will do if you accept them as I have with researching history.

Like yourself I am "yearning to connect with like minded individuals."

Even though there are historians and museums out there in the world most of the people involved are only very lonely people who have nothing else. This applies to many subjects.

I booked an appointment to visit a semi closed museum stating I only had an hour to see what it had to offer. 

When I arrived I sat down in front of a TV and asked if I had seen the footage and I replied yes.

The person then turned on the TV started reminiscing about the good old days which I would like to learn more about but I had now less than an hour.

Short story is that I never got to see the museum. 

A couple of decades back I contacted a older gentleman by phone to ask him about his service during World War Two and the conversation was informative and beneficial.

At the end of the discussion he asked me what army unit had I served with.

He stated that he had never heard of my unit during the war and was confused.

I stated that I had joined the military in 1983 and that I did so at the age 17.

He stated he thought I had served during the war based on my knowledge of the events of his service.

We were not friends but in taking turns and "lending an ear" we both learned and grew unlike the person at the museum.

If you want a friend then good luck to you is all I can say.

I had a problem in regards to preserving a heritage site and for the 6 years I lived there people who visited always wondered why the property was so run down despite it being "owned" by the local council and  $100,000 being spent.

One person asked me if I had contacted the local paper and I stated that I had been given the front page.

He then asked if I had contacted the radio and TV stations and I said yes.

Had I contacted government representatives?

He then stated he was surprised to learn about my story because he did not read newspapers or listen to the news. 

He then wished me luck and never returned.

I wasted years explaining the situation to every person who visited and the sad thing about this is just down the road was a museum that had lots of members, was well known and claimed it cared for and promoted the restoration and preservation of the same subject that I was battling to save.

[amber22]

Hey there @Silverlinin  

Thanks so much for sharing your experience and opening up about your past friendship battles. 

I definitely understand where you are coming from, sometimes it can be so difficult to make meaningful connections in this day and age, and finding people with similar values and interests can be really tricky. But the important thing that I want to point out is that you are not alone. A lot of people experience really similar situations regarding connection and social expectations. I have too!

I can relate to your feelings of wanting to connect with other people in a social setting by chatting/ laughing/ and being physically present, as opposed to being online or only feeling the support from mental health professionals. Although mental health professionals are so helpful in many ways, sometimes a more casual relationship with a mate that is possibly going through similar things, or that can lend an ear for the time being and provide some advice, is what you really want. 

I see that @Question  you have experienced something similar. I read above that you have children, would getting something together with a few school parents be something of interest to you? I understand it may start off very surface level, but all friendships have to have an introduction before they can get into the plot!

I'm not sure if you have any other interests/ groups/ work that you attend, but sometimes reaching out and being the first to ask for a social meetup can be the scary, but very beneficial in the long run for you (in terms of starting a new friendship).

Other than that, I see @Question you have an interest in the military. Maybe there are groups via Facebook or online social platforms that you could join to start conversations with like minded people? I have also heard of a few apps that are designed to make new friendships. I haven't personally tried any of them but I have heard of many success stories!

Those are just a few suggestions to get the ball rolling, but there are many more ways of connecting with people, and often you have to go through a few of them to find the one that really works for you. You're definitely not alone, and a lot of people will be feeling the same way, and may even be relieved to have someone like you reach out to them. 

All the best, 

Amber22

[wellwellwellnez]

That's awesome. Look at you. The steps you're taking show how far you've already come.

I think a lot of us are looking for the ways to make networks. I also think that fills me with glee because a lot of us, when we come here are here because real-time networks are either toxic, overwhelming, etc and so on.

It's a bit of a shame how the our anonymity limits us to the para-social. I think we can still be useful to each other in a social way by sharing tips, encouragement and what-not. The de-stigmatization kind of helps to, to be honest.

[Former-Member]

Hey @wellwellwellnez, I agree. Thank you for sharing ❤️ 

@Question, nice to meet you. I'm TuxedoCat, one of the Peer Moderators here. My role is to both help build connections between members, offer my own experiences to connect with others and also guide people towards safe interaction through our community guidelines.

Some of the most special parts of our wonderful community is that we all have our own experiences of mental health challenges. A lot of folks do come here to get advice, tips, and support. I'm so excited for you to be part of our community and offer your experience to others too. Feel free to email team@saneforums.org if you have any feedback on what's happened in this thread

And @Silverlinin I feel very similarly! I also have very few close friends, have spent my life floating between social groups. SANE does not have in-person meet-ups. We're a digital only MH organisation and our forums are anonymous. Obviously, this creates certain kinds of relationships! I know lots of folks on here do have friends they've known for YEARS through the forums. 

What we can support you with, if ideas on how to have in-person friends! It's still something I'm figuring out a very-grown-adult. So we're in this together ❤️