Lived Experience Forum

[Bow]

Do you know what it’s like to be so consumed by thoughts of food but not able to eat anything?

Do you know what it’s like to feel guilty after eating even the smallest amount of food, to not know when you are hungry or full and to not be able to find your safe food?

Do you know what it’s like to be utterly exhausted but not able to stop punishing yourself with relentless with exercise?

Do you know what it’s like to know that your body needs nourishment yet the one thing that would meet that need you can’t put in your mouth?

Do you know what it is like to be so thirsty you can feel the dryness but you can’t bring yourself to drink anything?

Do you know what it is like to walk past every mirror or reflective service and feel absolutely disgusted by what you see?

Do you know what it is like to fear every tiny thing that you put in your mouth because you know it will make you fatter?

Do you know what it is like to feel isolated and withdrawn from social connections because you have to fit everything in and around your eating and exercise routine?

Do you know what it is like to get changed countless times before going out because you hate the way that clothes sit on your body and show all the bumps and imperfections?

Do you know what it’s like to feel trapped in a body that you can not stand?

Do you know what it is like to be told to just go eat something knowing full well that it’s more than just about eating something?

Do you know what it is like to feel like something you could once control now controls you?

This is my life. This is my eating disorder.

[Eve7]

Sitting with you @Bow  💙🦋💙

[Emelia8]

No @Bow ... I dont know what any of that is like. 😔 But it sounds so hard, and such an isolating thing to live with. I'm so sorry that this is you right now. I want you to know that people do recover from EDs, and so can you. Hang onto hope.

Emelia 💝

[Bow]

Thank you @Emelia8 @Eve7 @NatureLover 

Today has been really hard. My d was at her fathers and was having attempt #2 at a sleepover, but she has just come home and is in bed with me. I have literally spent the whole day exercising. Trauma is horrible. Flashbacks are horrible. They have been relentless today. Constant. I want them to stop. And now I have to somehow hold myself together cause my d is next to me. Even though I’ve never wanted, I needed tonight alone… just so I can be. 

i missed a call from community mh and just don’t have it in me to return their call. 

[Eve7]

I am sorry I didn’t see this earlier sweetie @Bow 

You are so right. Trauma and all it brings with it is awful, intolerable even. I hear your pain tonight.

I’m on the piano right now playing some comfort music for you.

Lots of love and prayers

💙🤗🙏🦋🙏🤗💙

[Bow]

Thanks @Eve7  trying to imagine the beautiful music 

I can’t get off to sleep tonight. Everything feels so real and scary. I hate what these images do to my body. Is hard to make them stop when I physically feel the pain all over again. Disassociating a lot tonight. Just want it to stop. Just want it all to be over. 

[Eve7]

Try and listen to your d breathing @Bow 

I was playing some tunes from The Sound of Music but now I’m just playing some chords.

Love you lots 💙🙏🤗

[NatureLover]

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@Bow wrote:

Do you know what it is like to be so thirsty you can feel the dryness but you can’t bring yourself to drink anything?

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I didn't know that it involved drinking as well, @Bow  😞 Am so sorry to hear 😞

Also sad that the trauma and flashbacks were so bad yesterday...I hope today is a bit  better. 

[Bow]

Feel so alone as the images I keep seeing today and the pains that keep gripping me. Just wanna disappear. I can’t face another day like this

[Peregrinefalcon]

Hey @Bow 
I wish we could take that pain away from you, I can see how awful everything is feeling right now.

Please know how valued you are here 💜

Should you need extra support to get you through today, please contact any of the following:
• Police, Ambulance, Fire - 000
• Lifeline - 13 11 14
• Samaritans - 13 52 47 (8am-8pm AWST)
• Suicide Call-back Service - 1300 659 467

Perhaps even speak with the Help Centre team tomorrow, too, if you are feeling up to it. We hope to hear from you

Kind regards

Peregrinefalcon