Lived Experience Forum

[Lostat50]

Hi there, this has taken me all morning to get to this "typing ".

Honestly it's really hard I havnt been right for the past 12mths .Iv noticed I'm, or have become someone I'm not understanding. Is it because I turned 50yrs old.

Is it because I moved to a small remote town to support my partner  i dont know people here my family are all in NZ.

Have I become this person who is scared to meet new people in fair of being judged. 

Is it because my relationship has lost intermicy/not communicating (drifting)feeling like we are living as best mates 

Is it because I have been physically challenged over the past 3 years with surgeries,aggressive Arthritis.

Is it because I'm living with guilt & shame living with addiction for half of my life?Im in the process for being diagnosed with adult ADHDs is this the  reason why I feel like my  mind & body  are punching me?

I'm in a  relationship,but is it a relationship built with love or built on guilt?

I have felt like I have become this person who to took the wrong road somewhere  and has become lost 

Lost,what my purpose in life is 

Lost who I once was.

I am mentally lost.

I don't know how /where  what/why i even got to this..

I just want to find "ME"😪

[amber22]

Hey there @Lostat50 

Thank you for sharing how you feel, that does sound like there are a few factors that might be impacting how you're feeling at the moment and the fact that you are feeling a bit lost with everything going on.

Are you currently speaking to a professional about how you're feeling, or do you have any supports that you're able to be honest with and share what's been going on with you? I see that you said you've recently moved to a bit of a remote town in order to support your partner, which can feel really lonely, so making sure that you keep up your supports (whether these are formal or informal) might be really beneficial for you right now.

Are you currently working or do you have anything that can give you a bit of purpose in that way? Maybe a hobby or something that you enjoy doing and can pour a bit of your time and energy into?

Sitting with you,

Amber22

[Veevee72]

I’m not sure if it’s any help from me saying this but I heavily relate to a lot of the feelings you’re feeling. 

you cannot undo the paths you’ve taken in the past, but you especially cannot punish yourself for it. You’ve come so far in the 50 years of your life and you’re only half way through it. Your best bet is to look forward and really consider what you want in life and what will make you feel more fulfilled. 

Break down your current situation and find the problem areas of your life and create a plan of change whilst accepting the things that are out of your control. 

For example: I accept that I may have ADHD, and I cannot undo ADHD, so, what can I do to relieve myself of some of the difficulties I may face with my ADHD? 

Or

I acknowledge I feel X way about my relationship, and it’s okay for me to feel this way about my relationship, how can I approach my relationship in a more loving and connected way? 

The biggest thing is breaking out of the muddy mindset of “I wish things were better” or “how did I end up becoming this unhappy version of myself?” Because wallowing in it will only hurt your progress in the long run. 

despite your hardships you’ve come a long way I presume, moving to an unfamiliar country away from the comfort of your family and friends is a brave and heroic move. Keep that bravery, it’s an amazing trait you have that will get you very far. 

[tyme]

Hey @Lostat50 ,

I was popping in to say that you are not alone. 

I can relate to that feeling of not really knowing who I was. I struggle to understand myself. I was also lost. 

Do you have supports in your life - friends, family, therapists, who you can speak to about what's going on for you? It sounds like you have many questions that you are useful to unpack with someone.

For me, I engaged in a few years of talking therapy. After years of searching for a therapist, I finally found one I clicked with. I now know that many of his approaches were in line with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It wasn't easy, but it really helped me reflect on life and what I wanted out of it.

I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing how things go for you.

Kindest, tyme

[Jasper_123]

Hey @Lostat50 , 

I think for many people birthdays (especially major ones) can cause these feelings and when you add in complex mental health I think we often feel things in a bigger way. 

Have you tried addressing these stressors individually? When you look at all aspects it can seem overwhelming but perhaps start somewhere smaller. 

Do you want to work on your relationship? If so, how do you work on rebuilding intimacy with them? What do you love about them? Do they want to put in the work too?

[SmilingGecko]

Hello @Lostat50 

I read your post and decided to reply with some things that have worked for me in the past. Its hard when you are almost flying solo, feeling lost and knocked about after having to bear multiple major life events. It all takes its toll. 

For me I have had to make room for the new and the only way to do that was to clear myself energetically of the past.

I learned everything begins to accumulate in the aura first - all the undesirable emotions thoughts and feelings - its the storehouse of every negative interaction we have ever had over the course of our lives which makes us feel the way we do after a lifetime of living. 

Our aura is like a sponge and soaks up everything we have experienced which accounts for our state of mind. 

We become emotionally burdened by the heaviness in our aura which makes us feel the way we do. The aura can pollute the emotions when its not clear and vibrant 

I have found Smoky Quartz is great for clearing the aura. It clears the old energies and paves the way for a new life. You can't begin to move forwards until you energetically let go of the past and what is holding you back. Its a vibrational detox that wipes the slate clean so you can reboot your life and start to feel like the person you once were. I use it now on occasion to get rid of anything that is negatively affecting me or holding me back.

For crystals to work however you have to learn how to cleanse them and charge them properly or they wont work. Please research online how to do this.

For more relevant information on smoky quartz go here:

https://energymuse.com/pages/smoky-quartz-meaning

Another thing I do is listen to solfeggio frequencies for a variety of things. The Guilt/Shame/Fear triad holds people in a state of limbo where you make no future progression in life and you attract the very thing you are worried about.

It can be easily addressed just by simply listening to Solfeggio frequencies, specifically 396Hz which is for guilt, shame and fear. I have found it creates such a strong resonance after listening to it daily for a month your life will have totally changed for the better. You can find 396Hz Solfeggio music on you tube. Commit to doing it for a month and watch your life change!

For more info on Solfeggio frequencies and what they are go here:

https://dailydish.co.uk/the-9-solfeggio-frequencies-and-their-benefits/

I also understand you have been physically challenged by hard core medical interventions and arthritis. Its enough to take the stuffing out of anyone and can drain your self confidence.  These major life events can can have a profound effect on you energetically and cause energy points to slip on the body and create maladjustment patterns. It will make you feel as if you have lost your sense of self. These are major shocks to the body and you will not feel the same person you once were. This also applies to addictions as causing the torus energy field surrounding your body to have distortions

To learn more about this and how to get your mojo back go here:

https://www.simonheather.co.uk/pages/assemblage.php

If these things resonate with you I would be so glad for you to post your progress! 

I'm just concerned you and your partner may not be keeping in step with eachother. If a partner begins to change the relational dynamics begin to also change and either of you may no longer be able to exist within the dynamic which held you together in the past. 

Your partner has to want to commit to growing with you.

Another crystal I could suggest is working with Jade, it will clear all barriers you have created in your mind to enjoying a happier future, promoting a full realisation of your self and devotion to your life's purpose. Start by having a beautiful vision of your life and Jade will start crystallizing these visions for you. It will help you cherish your dreams and start building on a new future for yourself

I'm sending you strength and every wish for a fresh start in life ❤️

[Lostat50]

Thankyou so much for all your amazing information I will take it on board step by step 😬

[Lostat50]

Thankyou so much for your caring words."Muddy mindset" that is spot on..I am wallowing in my own sadness trying to move in the thick mud and get know where.I relate well listening to brutle honesty.I was once this resilient confident women that would not let anything or anyone take me down into the mud.Now all of a sudden I'm in it.Joing this forum is going to be good hearing others struggles and coming through it.I appreciate you taking the time out to respond. 

[tyme]

I hope you feel less lonely in this. Please know you are not alone. There are many who have been in a similar place @Lostat50 

You deserve to feel a sense of belonging.