Lived Experience Forum

[tyme]

TW: Self harm

Of course I'm open to sharing @Carasmatic !

My MH went down down down at the end of high school. I was about 17 then.

Content/trigger warning

Then gradually, it got worse and worse. I was severely depressed and started SH'ing. This became an addiction. Then the anxiety of seeing people increased to that I couldn't go out to see people. 

I tried various meds, but I can't say they did much.

I ended up in a state where I was living to die. I needed an out. I packed up my things and moved interstate to get away from everything and everyone I knew. Things were rosy at first, but then it was downhill from there.

It was then that I realised that I, and only I, was the problem. I continued this was for another 6 years or so. By this time, it was nearly 15 years from when symptoms first started. 

By the time I reached my 30s, I'd had enough. I finally knew only I could make a change. It was up to me. I was sick of being in hospital. I was sick on police coming. I was sick of being sick.

I finally reached out and was fortunately accepted into an MBT clinic. From there I received therapy for about 18 intense months. It was so hard to stick at it, but it was my last chance. 

And I'm glad i did. Since then, it's been better every day. I can't believe how much I've changed. I could have never done it otherwise. 

I've always told people I did think I'd make it to my 26th birthday, but here I am.

It's hard work, but it's worth it. 

Just hold on.

Of course this is a very condensed version... there's so much more 🙂

[Carasmatic]

Woooh that would have been so hard and so isolating also moving interstate away from everything that’s a big call. 

It haunts me as to how long we keep putting up with our MH symptoms before we actually take the step to do something about it, like you I also waiting till I hit rock bottom before getting help and it was scary. 

so good on you for owning your own and getting the help you need. 18 months of intense therapy is a lot but sounds like it was so worth it your mind finally gets to rest. ❤️

one more question…. Why your 26th birthday? 

[tyme]

I really couldn't believe how much my brain 'changed' after the therapy @Carasmatic . I really never thought this was possible.

Also, it was my 26th birthday, because I was the worst when I was 25 years old. It was so so so hard that I thought I was going to die any moment.

One thing about these forums is that it helped me so must during my recovery. I had a job back then and it was a corporate job. I remember being away for a while due to my MH. When I returned, I got pulled into the principal's office and told "Debrief with who you have to, but the work needs to continue". I was so cut. In other words, the manager really didn't want me to share anything. I ended up just crying and crying. I knew from then that my workplace wasn't supportive of my MH condition and issues. And that's why I turned to these forums as an anonymous forum. I felt I had the liberty to share what was going on for me. That's the beauty of this place. It's been part of my healing for years now.

[defaultusername]

Not a problem at all @Carasmatic, I think to be so self-aware is a gift that can take years for some of us to work toward. It is exciting coming onto the forum and seeing how we all have our own strengths that we've developed.

Personally, the day I started to see the strengths in having a lived/living experience of mental health challenges was a real game changer for me.

And that's lovely to hear, it is so liberating to be able to share our struggles with people in a safe judgement free space, as well as empowering. That's wonderful that you could share with your partner and some of your family.

And thank you very much to you @tyme for sharing some of your recovery journey with us, we're all very lucky to have you here on the forums to share some of your insight with us.

Hope all is well for the both of you, and am also looking forward to getting to know everyone better 😊

defaultusername