Lived Experience Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

So much going on for you @Pippyl, and it's been like that for a long time, it sounds.

I hope you get a house sorted for you and your daughter soon.

I also encourage you to invest in self-care activities as much as you can - looking after your hair, nails, but of exercise, a coffee with friends ..... it can be hard to do if you have been taught that this is selfish, but it's not.  It's necessary to help compensate for the abuse you are suffering until you can leave it ...... and important to teach your daughter the same.

My narc soon-2-b-ex has become more abusive since HE left ..... with someone else (of course, once you know how narcs work) .... but I am grateful he's not still in my house at least.  And he is being abuaive because I am breaking his control over me and our kids thru the legal system.

Please make sure to look after you ..... it's an antidote to the toxic crap you're faced with  .... and get your "grey rock" shield up Hon ...... with all of them except your daughter.

[Pippyl]

Yes I'm doing the grey rock for months it's hard coz I hold so much in and it helps lessen the abuse but it still happens so it feels pointless. Once we leave they won't be in our lives or very minimal and they can suffer for that coz I won't really care. I've had times over the years where we weren't on talking terms and deep down I felt bad even though I knew wasn't my fault, e other ppl telling me to make up but now I know the truth I don't have to feel bad about it. All my suffering, the reason I haven't healed is coz of them. Once theyre gone we can heal. I'm sorry bout your ex that does happen it gets worse before it gets better but grey rock would be the most useful tool he will get bored and it will lessen I promise. we have zero contact with ex I feel as finally after popping up once you think he's done that it's actually ended it wouldn't have if I felt the urge to respond to everything he does. Grey rock is best, they love when you crack it they feed off it and only you are hurt. But I found out recently he may be part of our lives again, indirectly i don't feel comfortable sharing publicly I'm trying to wrap my head around it. The decisions he makes still impact us. Jus want to do what's right for her coz this will affect her as she grows up it's more to do with his family than him and if cutting them off is best for her I'm unsure if I'm robbing her. It all depends on his involvement. I'm waiting for an outcome to the situation before I decide it's too much what if right now. I could honestly write a book, soap operas can't compete with my drama. It's funny coz I'm such an easy going person and drama follows me. I understand why now but I'm in this mess and need to get out of it otherwise my child will become like me. I'm so happy to hear you're fighting in court, he's acting out coz he knows you'll win but he'll try convince you otherwise don't believe it. A loving parent never backs down so only you can win. And when I say win, that includes losses along the way but the most important thing our kids is where you will win. At the start judge ordered visits where she suffered abuse which I never allowed I had no choice and it wouldn't have happened but you go there with your history knowing what's right and to the judge they give a chance so I have to forgive that, he proved himself unfit so it was a win in the end. A biter sweet win. He will cause dramas and the judge will see through it hopefully. I know many that weren't lucky, the family courts often don't get it right, I think my situation was rare and I feel so grateful! If my ex had money/lawyers maybe we wouldn't be so lucky. But he proved he didn't care, didn't rock up, didn't do affidavits, blew his share of the property. I jus hope it gives you hope. Thank you for acknowledging I should stay away from all of them. I find only professionals or ppl that have been through abuse get this. Other friends/fam jus say oh but it's your parents they mean well but it does make you second guess. And with self care I have no desire for fun I've given up I've lost 25kgs in 1 yr too skinny, probably anorexic, I have been before, before too fat but didn't want to loose this much, my hair is so long I hate it but I jus don't care. All I do is focus on getting a place. Sorry to ramble again