Lived Experience Forum

[Birdofparadise8]

Gosh, I'm sorry it sounds like a lot is going on @PinkFlamingo 

If it's faulty, shouldn't they just give you a new one? You wouldn't have to pay. 

Oh no, definitely not. You're very much worthy of my time, and I don't mind reading about what is happening to you. I care about you a lot, so please don't say, "all shite not worth the time to read". I hope the bruising goes away soon, and you'll get the stitches out as well. 

How is your new psych going?

[PinkFlamingo]

Thanks @Birdofparadise8 🫂💜🌺🙂

never a dull moment.. 

it would be great if they would replace it, but, all of the stock across the entire globe is being recalled again, because it has a catastrophic failure in that the ventilators are suddenly stopping while people are asleep, which could result in death (this is the comment from the Therapeutic Goods Administration, which Philips has released, describing why they are pulling the product). Hence why I have no replacement, and no refund (because it’s still considered ‘operational’ due to the catastrophic failure being deemed ‘unpredictable’ - how’s that for some legalese wording?). 
I simply have to find money to buy a new ventilator from a different manufacturer, at my own cost. 

thanks too, Birdofparadise8, for valuing my situation - it’s really kind of you and I very much appreciate it 🙂🌺💜🫂

the bruising will go down soon, and I’ll remove the stitches next Friday (to save the cost of clinic removal which isn’t covered under Medicare) once the wound is fully closed (I always remove all my own stitches to save money, and as a former health professional I’ve removed thousands of stitches for many patients after hand surgery, so it’s well within my wheelhouse to do 🙂). 

My new psychologist is really lovely, she’s such a kind and sweet person, and very much led by me in terms of the EMDR therapy 🌺🙂  She’s so attentive, listens, and smiles a lot, which is so nice when you don’t see faces very often …🙂

[Snowie]

@PinkFlamingo 

Just reading your post and you mention EMDR therapy.

Are you doing it with your psych? How do you find it? Is it helping you? What do you think about it?

My psych is trying to do it with me but I am finding it very hard. We have probably been trying it for the last 4-5 months. I don't think I am in the right head space to do it. Of course I didn't see her whilst I was in hospital so that was a months break from it. She said last session that we were going to have a break from it to try and concentrate on some of my issues I am having.

Sorry for all the questions.

[Birdofparadise8]

Dam, that is really unlucky @PinkFlamingo 

That's okay. I'm here for you always. 

That's so cool you can remove your own stitches. Does it hurt?

That's good she is lovely. How do you do EMDR over Zoom?

[PinkFlamingo]

Hey there @Snowie 🌺🙂💜

I’m sorry it’s hard going to do EMDR for you - I hope things can get to a place where you can try again and it becomes an easier therapeutic process for you 🌺💜🫂

I have a new psychologist, I’ve seen her twice now (I haven’t had anyone to further then one appointment with me in the past, deeming my trauma way too much to therapeutically cope with, besides one psych who used to fall asleep during the zoom sessions and when awake basically tell me I needed to ‘continue to work on my skills’, whatever that was supposed to mean!..hehe😉).
This new psychologist started EMDR on session one, after briefly explaining an overview of the goals and some of the methods/processes involved. I asked her to do that, so I could then see if it was something that I’d be willing to try… my brain is a very logical and structured organism: it likes some things but throws up questions and conjecture with others, so if I can’t see logic and outcomes, I don’t see value and therefore I can’t see how it would apply to me.. if that makes sense? ☺️🌺

So, my new psychologist said I get how you work, let’s do this logically… and from there, we have been working using the EMDR process. 
So far (having done two sessions) I find it has potential to help, however I am only in the very early stages of it so far. 
I have sessions two weeks apart, and I feel that my psychologist is very responsive when I give signs of not being able to manage what she is asking, and she then asks me if I’d prefer to try a different method to achieve the same outcome - she’s great at that..via zoom, too. I keep her very much in the loop of what I’m feeling, and I always verbalise where I’m at, what I’m able to cope with and what might not work so well. She’s ultra responsive to that, so I’m guessing it’ll work as we move forward. 
At the beginning of the first session, I gave her a highlights reel of trauma from birth to the most recent, and she said that was helpful in guiding her where she will start when we work with the actual processing of trauma, but for now, I think we are about to finalise the ‘setup’ at the next session, and maybe start with some actual processing of some of the memories of trauma. 

Does that help you Snowie? 🙂💜

I hope there’s something there that is of use - please do feel free to ask questions, I am happy to answer or explain more if I can 💜

The only other aspect is a good amount of trust in her technical and professional capabilities; I’ve had to make the conscious decision to trust her, based on her explanation of her approach in using EMDR as a therapy, and having done that, it is indeed making it a bit easier to move into the therapeutic space with her. 
I know that if I didnt hold trust, it would be much harder. 
I did openly say to her that I am handing you a significant level of trust, to enable engagement therapeutically, and she thanked me for it, smiled and said that was a really great thing I was able to do, which in turn helps with being able to engage in a therapy. 
I wanted to describe these aspects for you, so you could also gently see what I have tried to do to be fully present in the therapy..because I know that with trauma comes a hardship in trust relationships, and if I hadn’t made that decision, I know my natural default is ‘no trust’, if that makes sense? ☺️🌺💜

Let me know what you think when ready if you’d like to 🙂🌺

[PinkFlamingo]

Yeah, it’s not the best situation @Birdofparadise8 🌺 but I’ll do my best to muddle through 🙂💜

the fact that there is such good and nice people here like yourself means a whole lot to how I can carry these things, so thank you for being here and for your kindness 🙂🌺💜

Yes; it’s a cost saver for sure..it doesn’t hurt when compared to some of the things I have felt pain-wise; probably more like a small pulling sensation, because I make sure to remove them at the most appropriate stage of healing (when it’s not too sore). 
Yes it’s great she’s a really nice person, very safe feeling with her. On zoom she makes sure I can see her, and I keep my camera on and the room well lit, so we talk, she demonstrates stuff, I talk with my hands (haha - very expressive, I use gestures a lot), so it works quite well. 
im very used to zoom, so it’s easier for me. She has said it is something she’s not very used to, but I can see she’s taking it in her stride, doing EMDR online with me - I think because she can see how comfortable I am using zoom to meet. 
🙂🌺

[Birdofparadise8]

That's okay. I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere. 

I'm glad you feel safe with her. 

What I was getting at with the Zoom part, and EMDR was, does she have the devices in her room, or can she use something online and share the screen? 

@PinkFlamingo 

[PinkFlamingo]

Sweets, you really have put sunshine into a once-gloomy day ☺️🫂🌺

@Birdofparadise8 💜

Ooh, I have no idea..she hasn’t mentioned any devices to me, but it may be a bit too early, considering it’s only been two sessions? 🙂

[Birdofparadise8]

Oh, so you haven't done the EMDR yet? 

Oh, only two sessions that make sense; sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself, lol. 

Aww, that means a lot. I'm sorry today is so gloomy for you. @PinkFlamingo 

Have you got any other support?

[PinkFlamingo]

Yes, just early days at the moment @Birdofparadise8 🙂🌺

thanks sweetness - really appreciate it 💜🫂🌺🙂

I’ll be alright… it’s just the shock when things hit and then having to frantically work out how to ensure safety while sleeping without any medical backup supports (I don’t have access to the home nurse network for people reliant on ventilation because it’s ageist/exclusionary). 

im trying to build a resilience network amongst new people I’ve gotten to know, and so far I have one person who is quite supportive in return when I do mention when things aren’t right, which is so lovely, but I do pick what I say because this really nice person has heaps on their own plate 💜🌺🙂

otherwise, I have zero community or other supports in terms of practical help. Everything I do is done alone. 
howrver, being here - even with being a peer guide volunteer - has made a HUGE difference to my life in terms of connectedness, care, and compassion… I’m repeatedly blown away with how much capacity for kindness despite the hurts we go through is here on the forums… 

🥲💜🌺🫂

@Jynx 

@tyme 

@Bon_courage 

@lavenderhaze